How to write a weekly letter to a child in foster care
Why the letters matter, what to put in them, and how to write for the adult the child will one day be. Practical tips for foster carers.
One day the child you're writing to will be grown up. They may want to know what they were like at six: who made them laugh, what they had for breakfast, whether anyone noticed the day they learned to ride a bike. For many people who grew up in care, those everyday memories are the hardest thing to find later.
That's what the weekly or monthly letter is for. Many fostering services ask carers to write one, and it's worth doing well.
Why the letters matter
Life story work helps children in care understand their own history: where they come from, who looked after them, and why things happened the way they did. Social workers often put together a life story book with the child, and foster carers are asked to keep memories along the way.
Your letters help because:
- They're in your words, written at the time. Nobody pieces them together years later from official records.
- They show the child they were known and cared about: the funny things, the brave things, the small kindnesses.
- They keep the ordinary details that families usually remember for each other: favourite foods, bedtime routines, first words, best friends.
- They travel with the child. If the child moves on, their letters can go too, or into their life story book.
What to write about
You don't need a big event. A normal Tuesday is part of their story too. Good things to include:
- something funny that happened
- a place you went, even if it was just the park
- something new they tried or learned
- what they ate, played, watched or sang
- the people they spent time with
- something you were proud of
- what's coming up next week
For a baby, write about smiles, sleep, feeds, bath time and the sounds they make. For a teenager, write the way you'd talk to them, and leave out anything they'd cringe at.
How to write it
- Write to them, as if they're reading it at sixteen, or twenty-five.
- Name people and places. "Mrs Hughes, your class teacher", not just "your teacher". Caption photos so they'll know who and where.
- Say how you know something: "We watched you…" or "Mrs Hughes told us…".
- Keep sentences short and words familiar, with one paragraph for each thing that happened.
- Mention the time of day when it helps them picture it: Saturday morning, after tea, at bedtime.
- Be honest and kind. If a week was hard, describe what happened rather than using labels like "naughty" or "kicked off", and say how you looked after them.
- Speak about their family neutrally and respectfully. They're part of the child's story too.
- Don't make promises about the future that might not be kept.
A short example
Hello Mia,
On Saturday morning we went down to the harbour. You counted eleven boats, and you chose a red one with a striped sail as your favourite.
At your swimming lesson that afternoon, you swam a whole width of the pool without armbands for the first time. Dan, your swimming teacher, told us you kept kicking even when you were tired. We cheered so loudly that you heard us.
On Wednesday, Jean is coming for tea, and you have asked for spaghetti.
Ideas when you're stuck
If the page is blank, pick one of these and write three sentences about it.
- Something that made them laugh out loud
- A new word, phrase or joke
- What they ate that they loved, and what they refused
- A game, toy, book or programme they couldn't get enough of
- Something they were proud of, or nervous about
- A conversation you'd like them to remember
- A friend they spent time with, and what they did
- Something about school: a lesson, a teacher, a lunch, a trip
- How they helped someone, or someone helped them
- The weather, and what you did because of it
- A bedtime moment: the story, the song, the question at lights out
- A smell, sound or place that was the week for you
If you only manage one, that's still a letter.
How long, and how often
Most letters run to a few short paragraphs and a photo or two. If you can write for ten quiet minutes soon after the week's events, you'll remember the detail and the letter will sound like you. Leaving it all to the end of the month usually means a shorter, vaguer letter.
If you're short of time, a three-line letter with one moment and one name is better than none. Skip the weeks you really can't write, and say so in the next one rather than apologising at length.
Making it look like a keepsake
Most services send carers a Word template. It does the job, but getting a letter that looks like something a child would want to keep usually means opening the laptop at the end of a long week and becoming a designer: photos that jump around the page, fonts, margins, page breaks. It's slow, and design isn't something anyone expects of a foster carer.
Keep it simple: one or two photos, a clear heading with the dates, and short paragraphs. The words matter far more than the layout.
Sharing the letter
Check with the child's social worker how they'd like letters sent and what they'd like included. Ask before sharing photos of the child, and keep copies safe.
My Chapters: Letters is an iPhone and iPad app built for exactly this: no laptop and no template, every letter designed for you, ideas to suit the child's age, letters that send themselves to the right people, and a book of every letter at the end.
Related guides
Questions people ask
- How often should foster carers write a letter?
- As often as your fostering service asks, which is commonly weekly or monthly. Writing soon after the events means you remember the detail.
- What if nothing happened this week?
- A normal week is still worth recording. Write about the ordinary things: what they ate, played or watched, who they saw, and something you're looking forward to.
- Should I show the child their letters?
- That depends on the child, their age and their social worker's advice. The letters are written for the child to read when they're ready, so ask the social worker what suits them.
- Can I include photos?
- Yes, with captions saying who is in them, where and when. Ask the child's social worker before sharing photos of the child, and don't include other children's faces unless you have permission.